While at a breastfeeding mission last Monday, in the midst of giving away the last of my son's old clothes, I was approached by a grandmother who held up her beautiful granddaughter, fair skinned and peacefully sleeping in her arms, and asked me to her grandchild, whose father is already dead. The baby girl couldn't be older than 2 months and looked healthy enough. I bit my lip and smiled and just told the grandma to take care of the baby because she looks so precious.
Inside, I started to tear up already. Such things cannot help but break a mother's heart. Then the grandma approached me again to appeal her cause, "sige na mam, ampunin nyo na sya... kawawa naman, sa inyo na, patay na tatay nya.... andun yung nanay nya, kausapin na natin para makuha nyo na sya"
All I could was smile as I shook my head and walked away.
It was especially ironic that hubs and I are trying and hoping for a baby girl. We're not that desperate for one, and another baby boy would be equally loved and welcome, but we really hope to be blessed with a baby girl. So yeah, it's one of those moments that's really sad so of course, I shed tears while telling about it to my fellow LATCHers.
I know that child's future is questionable, at that evacuation center. And I know that i'd somehow feel forevr guilty that I essentially rejected a child. Going in these missions, you give of your time and service, but there are just some things you can't give, you can't cure, you can't mend...
Hubby was very comforting when I told him. Then that night, I dreamt that hubs was given a child older by several months than Yakee. It was a boy and he couldn't say 'no' to the appeal for adoption because the boy was deaf so he brought the little boy home. In the dream, I was concerned because I didn't want to remove Yakee's eldest child status. The adopted baby we called SITH (Star Wars, hello).
It's not that we're against adoption. We are open to the idea if we're really not going to be blessed with more kids. But we're also not like other couples who have already chosen to adopt rather than bear children so adoption is something we will decide upon, talk about, explore, and consult authorities with. It's not a road we'd take just because somebody thrusts a child our way, no matter how beautiful.
I will always be praying for that girl though.