It's hard not to reel from the shock and the changes, when a life is taken away. Apart from missing the loved one who passed away, you also deal with the impact of his death in your life... or in the lives of other people you love.
Having both recently lost beloved family members, my husband and I are both still feeling raw indeed. Now, there's a child we won't be buying toys for anymore. Now, there's an uncle who won't be calling up at ten in the morning to ask us over for lunch... in San Juan, Batangas.
The world is turned upside down. Your priorities get rearranged for you. Fears are reawakened. You say more prayers.
Last February 1, I was not feeling well. I chalked it up to emotional exhaustion from having to go through two deaths that rocked our families in a bad way. Feb. 2, we interred Jojo's uncle. Feb 3, my Baby pulls a back muscle and had to be rushed to the ER of Asian Hospital. Feb 4 was Pyro's 40 Days.
I also confirmed that day that I was pregnant.
Talk about major emotional upheaval. From death to a life unborn.
Alas, we didn't have time to rejoice. Jojo was still in pain, and I immediately started spotting. February would see me generally staying at home, in bed... or leaving the house to go to my OB to check for anything wrong. Because I had polycystic ovaries, I am more at risk of miscarrying... and I was spotting and cramping every other day or so.
Despite our apprehensions over the pregnancy, I still sent out pregnancy announcement cards to friends. I figured, my friends and I are entitled to what delight we can enjoy... till I lose the baby (IF it was really not meant to be).
Yesterday, the ultrasound showed our baby's heart beating. Tears fell from my eyes as I watched the blinking area in the perfect aminiotic sac protecting what looks like a walnut. Baby Sac (because we first saw him/her as a gestational sac) was officially 6 weeks old yesterday.
With this new life, the world is turned upside down. Our priorities got rearranged for us. Our fears are reawakened. And we've been saying more prayers.
Being first time parents, we're in fear that this wonderful blessing will be taken away... a natural concern by first-time parents... and a natural reaction by people who've just lost loved ones.
But we continue to dream and hope and have faith.
And we're in love... with our new family.
Now, if only i'd graduate from the delicate pregnancy watch.