Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Happy Bubble Bursting

Some two weeks after Yakee was conceived (and none of us party yet to the good news), hubs felt a stabbing pain on his lower back while we're on the way to a family reunion. We ended up in Asian Hospital's ER.

Going home that night, I bought the pregnancy kit that would tell me the day after that am pregnant... and hubs wouldn't be able to jump for joy when he finds out because he'd still be in pain.

Still, that was a nightmare that turned into a great thing.

Nine months later, Yakee is already born and two weeks old... hubs is still suffering from a chronic cough he's been battling with for a month now. And after eating lunch yesterday... my husband's coughing got so bad that he began twitching, and then he blacked out and fell.

For a brief moment, I saw myself widowed just weeks after giving birth. It was awful. The most I could manage to do for Jojo was catch his fall so that he ended sitting up instead of lying down on our kitchen floor. Had I been well, I wouldn't have been a match to his dead weight, and I wasn't well... I just had a CS delivery. So I cried and cried and cried till he came to, without recollection of falling down.

I accompanied him to the ER after nursing Yakee... he didn't want me to accompany him anymore but I couldn't NOT be with him. It hurt so much having to leave him there after two hours because Yakee would be looking for me. I was already making plans to buy a breast pump so someone could bottlefeed my son breastmilk while I tend to his father... but Jojo got discharged too (just with more tests to undergo).

Have I said that it was awful? Draining? Traumatic? Horrible? One of the hardest, trying times of my life?

And now I feel i've invoked detachment to protect myself... to cope. Otherwise, I just might really go crazy with fear that i'd lose my husband early.

My only consolation yesterday was that it wasn't Yakee I was bringing to the hospital... to which Jojo agrees. So I kept smiling at the 8-month old that was being comforted by his Mom after they attached an IV drip on him, while tears poured from my eyes as Jojo was carted away for another x-ray.


Yakee is thriving. I don't really want to extol his virtues and post the many proofs why he's the best thing ever that has happened on earth (as parents are wont to do) but I guess I really can't help it.

Friends say he's amazing, because he literally smiles himself to sleep. Sometimes, he also even giggles. He also has good neck and back control already so bathing him is a challenge.

His cord has already fallen off, we've stopped swaddling him so (partly to avoid heat rash, partly because he doesn't appreciate it much anymore), he's started on his Vitamins (Nutrilin) and has had his second immunization (BCG).

His father is still on leave... and will remain on leave till the rest of October. It's really been a heaven-sent privilege because hubs could then cover for me while I sleep during the daytime. Yakee isn't really a high-need baby but there are times (mostly in the awful hours between 3 AM to 7 AM) that he refuses to be laid down and prefers to nurse or be held.

Jojo has also been magnificent about Pappie's Mornings... when he'd go out with Yakee to sun him some. That's their thing, same way that breastfeeding is my thing with Yakee.

Ande this morning, after the horrible ordeal of yesterday, Pappie Jojo made me breakfast... and set-up Yakee's duyan in our living room.

So maybe... I can begin to have faith again that i'd have more years enjoying my family.


I thank God for the reprieve, the blessings, the lessons and the support. Most of all, I thank Him for the loves of my life.

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