Monday, November 26, 2007

A Mom... Finally!

Despite the intense feelings of love for Yakee, I was one of those Moms who didn't feel connected to her baby initially.

Am not sure if it was because I didn't go into labor... so I somehow felt like I was just given a baby to care for. I also still feel pregnant, heck, I even still waddle when I walk. Not sure if the binder I have to wear for two months has anything to do with this.

And yes, sure, i've been nursing him since he was born, and i've wept in the struggles and the triumphs, but i've also generally just felt like a milking cow, not a Mommy.

After all, he'd root and insist on nursing even when he's not hungry if he's in my arms. I could never just hold him for bonding's sake and could never really make him go to sleep without nursing him first. So in the times when he's just fine and dandy... or really upset, I had to rely on my husband and whoever else to hold, carry, pacify him for me.

And I couldn't differentiate his cries at first... my sister knew his hunger cries before I did. But true enough, later on I could tell which cry was which. It was also amazing for me to realize that I could tell his cries from other babies' cries (realized when we attended the pre-baptism seminar where other couples went with their own bundles of joy).

And so it went for weeks that i'd look at my child and wonder why I feel estranged to him somehow. But then I realized that my expectations were not realistic... hubs is right, Yakee is someone we're only getting to know. It's wrong of me to assume that everything will be automatic.

Good thing that patience is always rewarded... I believe it was November 15, after changing his nappy and while hubs was playing with him that we realized Yakee could already zero in on me. Not only was his eyesight really developing but he was responding to my voice and tilting his face to wherever I go.

He hasn't zeroed in on someone before. He'd pay attention sometimes but never really look as if he could tell which was which.

Five days later, I left him with my sister and cousin to go to the mall and buy him his baptismal reception outfit (Pappie Jojo already bought him a teeny-weeny barong). I wasn't out a long time and was back home within three hours. I arrived back home just in time to see him finish nursing from his bottle. I told my sister to burp him and that i'd just be sterilizing his bottles and doing other stuff at home.

Yakee started acting up. He sure wasn't hungry but he refused to be pacified. My sister gave up and gave him to me. I knew he's had enough milk but could have detected that I was already around so I let him comfort-nurse. And true enough, he nursed while also cooing and looking at me. After he's performed his token sucks, he just kept cooing and cackling at me. First time that my baby ever made lambing. Sigh.

And finally, I felt that i'm truly his Mom. He didn't just need the milk from my breasts, he also needed and wanted me close.

Now, he follows me with his eyes half the time, and plays with me while he's in my arms.

And Pappie's jealous, ahihi.


I've been tagged by Pinky and seeing as am already online... fine, sagutin ko na!

1. Are there any babies in your family or circle of friends?

Let's see... we have Iya, my husband's niece from his sister. I have lots of nieces and nephews from my cousins and have adopted my husbands' nieces and nephews. And my brother is expecting their sorta 3rd baby (the first, Pyro, died last year... and the second was miscarried this year).

Friends naman... college friends are starting to have them. And colleagues are having them. And Berk friends are having them.

Shall I consider my Pex and N@w barkadas pa? Ahehe.

2. Are you one of those people who use a high-pitched, sing-song voice when talking to babies and small children?

YES :) But when Yakee is super antsy and i'm super tired na, I use a soft, stern voice.

3. If you were standing in line next to a *very* pregnant stranger at the bank or grocery store, what would you say to her?

Nothing... but I will probably smile if ever we catch each other's eyes.

4. Similarly, what do you say or do near babies in public?

I usually smile at them... when they're really cute or obnoxious naman, I can't help pointing it out to hubs (or whoever am with).

5. When walking through a department store, are you the sort of person who can go by the baby clothes without even a glance or do you have to stop to ooh and ahh?

But i've always looked even when I wasn't married and pregnant pa... ahehe. Baby stuff are all so cute, it's always a wonder that person could be so tiny.

I am not tagging anybody else, since I owe bloghops pa nga :D

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