Post Partum Blues
Hubs and I were both wary of how mine will be... because given my mood swings, it's simply inevitable that i'd have my share of the blues.

Most women have it after two days or so... crying jags for no reason at all. Not me... I went through the first four or five days easily enough. Hubs was a great partner, picking up my slack and realy rising to the occasion. And other family members have been more than supportive.

And then one night, they were shocked to see me sobbing... over an incident that led me to realize just how CHANGED i've been made by the pregnancy and birth... how LIMITED and COMPROMISED and SCARRED.

And then after that, i'd sometimes have bad days when Yakee has been particularly difficult (I wouldn't say he's a high-need baby yet, he's not even really colicky... just that he refuses to be put down during the night, and hasn't settled yet into a routine). Yesterday was no different... Yakee was fussing for who knows what reason and refused to nurse properly but kept asking for my breast. I was just left feeling unable to deliver and cried and cried. I wondered for a while whether I should stick to my guns about breastfeeding, or try bottlefeeding if it's going to be less frustrating for my son.

Hubs was quick to buy pizza and ice cream... to console me... and also to remind me that it's only been three weeks and Yakee is someone we're only really getting to know. He reminded me that babies fuss, sometimes for no apparent reason, and that I shouldn't use it as gauge of my capacity to care for him. He also gently reminded me that I also need taking care of too... because of the surgery, I AM compromised and therefore, Yakee and I will have to meet halfway.

Sniff. I have an overly wonderful husband.

*~*

For record purposes, I am slightly shocked/traumatized by Yakee pooping all over me and our bed around 5 AM today (while I was changing his diaper) and managing to pee all over the bed too... it was so bad, we had to change all his clothes, all the beddings.

I've heard of the phenomenon of a baby being producing such mess... but am only starting to really realize just how messy things can get.

Thank heavens he's breastfed... his poop was at least butter-smelling. And thank heavens for small favors, that while he was stirring something close to panic inside me when he kept farting and spraying explosive poop, and during cleaning up... he remained sleeping and would sometimes even smile.

Had he bawled as he pooped... i'd have cried again, I swear!

*~*

Also for documentation purposes, he's finished his 5th diaper pack already yesterday. We're still going through different brands to determine what we like using, what's the cheapest quality buy, etc. Since he poops often and requires diaper changes often, we don't really need the highly-absorbency being offered by Huggies Dry Comfort but we like it, also EQ Dry and Drypers (but Drypers isn't always visible). We've established we don't like Prokids. And Yakee can't wear newborn-size since he was a week old.

*~*

Oh... I decided to take after Benz and be OC... so everyday, we take Yakee's temperature twice, count his diaper changes and breastfeeding sessions. Wala lang.

Happy Bubble Bursting

Some two weeks after Yakee was conceived (and none of us party yet to the good news), hubs felt a stabbing pain on his lower back while we're on the way to a family reunion. We ended up in Asian Hospital's ER.

Going home that night, I bought the pregnancy kit that would tell me the day after that am pregnant... and hubs wouldn't be able to jump for joy when he finds out because he'd still be in pain.

Still, that was a nightmare that turned into a great thing.

Nine months later, Yakee is already born and two weeks old... hubs is still suffering from a chronic cough he's been battling with for a month now. And after eating lunch yesterday... my husband's coughing got so bad that he began twitching, and then he blacked out and fell.

For a brief moment, I saw myself widowed just weeks after giving birth. It was awful. The most I could manage to do for Jojo was catch his fall so that he ended sitting up instead of lying down on our kitchen floor. Had I been well, I wouldn't have been a match to his dead weight, and I wasn't well... I just had a CS delivery. So I cried and cried and cried till he came to, without recollection of falling down.

I accompanied him to the ER after nursing Yakee... he didn't want me to accompany him anymore but I couldn't NOT be with him. It hurt so much having to leave him there after two hours because Yakee would be looking for me. I was already making plans to buy a breast pump so someone could bottlefeed my son breastmilk while I tend to his father... but Jojo got discharged too (just with more tests to undergo).

Have I said that it was awful? Draining? Traumatic? Horrible? One of the hardest, trying times of my life?

And now I feel i've invoked detachment to protect myself... to cope. Otherwise, I just might really go crazy with fear that i'd lose my husband early.

My only consolation yesterday was that it wasn't Yakee I was bringing to the hospital... to which Jojo agrees. So I kept smiling at the 8-month old that was being comforted by his Mom after they attached an IV drip on him, while tears poured from my eyes as Jojo was carted away for another x-ray.

*~*

Yakee is thriving. I don't really want to extol his virtues and post the many proofs why he's the best thing ever that has happened on earth (as parents are wont to do) but I guess I really can't help it.

Friends say he's amazing, because he literally smiles himself to sleep. Sometimes, he also even giggles. He also has good neck and back control already so bathing him is a challenge.

His cord has already fallen off, we've stopped swaddling him so (partly to avoid heat rash, partly because he doesn't appreciate it much anymore), he's started on his Vitamins (Nutrilin) and has had his second immunization (BCG).

His father is still on leave... and will remain on leave till the rest of October. It's really been a heaven-sent privilege because hubs could then cover for me while I sleep during the daytime. Yakee isn't really a high-need baby but there are times (mostly in the awful hours between 3 AM to 7 AM) that he refuses to be laid down and prefers to nurse or be held.

Jojo has also been magnificent about Pappie's Mornings... when he'd go out with Yakee to sun him some. That's their thing, same way that breastfeeding is my thing with Yakee.

Ande this morning, after the horrible ordeal of yesterday, Pappie Jojo made me breakfast... and set-up Yakee's duyan in our living room.

So maybe... I can begin to have faith again that i'd have more years enjoying my family.

*~*

I thank God for the reprieve, the blessings, the lessons and the support. Most of all, I thank Him for the loves of my life.

Presenting... RUBEUS IAKOB CAMITAN AREVALO (Yakee)

Yakee's grandfather is named Ruben and his father's second name is Reuben. We didn't want to make him a junior, a third, or the fourth of any previous Arevalo (Pappie Jojo is already the third for the name Jesus) but we wanted a sort of continuity to the names and chose Rubeus instead (so yeah, it's really not because we're Potterheads).

It fit perfectly since my engagement ring was a ruby ring (the stone of which I lost a week after finding out I was pregnant). The name "ruby" comes from the Latin RUBEUS meaning "red". The ruby is usually considered a stone of power and passion. It is supposed to bestow energy and willpower, counteracting lethargy. It has sometimes been associated with the sun.

Ruby was also associated with health and long life. The alchemists adopted the "perfect ruby" as a symbol of the philosopher's stone or elixir of life (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone is J.K. Rowling's first book and baby...).

Iakob is the Greek name for Jacob (Hebrew) meaning "he who supplants" (supplant meaning 'to supersede another especially by force or treachery; to take the place of and serve as a substitute for especially by reason of superior excellence or power').

The name sounds negative when you look at it that way, but God chose Jacob after all.

And we chose Jacob not really because of the meaning of the name, but because Jojo's second name is REUBEN (Jacob's first son) and decided we'd flip the names and have Jacob (Iakob) be Reuben's first son in this lifetime.

So in some weird way, Yakee's name is really fitting when you think that he has supplanted with himself the ruby ring that his father once gave me... the ring that promised me passionate love.

And maybe... hopefully... Yakee is the replacement God intended for Pyro (not that a person can ever be replaced, but am sure you get what I mean), one who will be blessed with a long and healthy life.

*~*

He was born last 07 October 2007 at 9:59 AM, 7.4 lbs. heavy and 51 cms. long. Life hasn't yet settled into some sort of new normalcy for us... but HAPPY and BLESSED cannot even begin to describe how we feel about being parents to someone so beautiful and perfect.