Babies are born equipped with weapons. The generous ones would say they're survival tools, but I call them weapons for which I have no defense. They sometimes reduce me to an apologizing mess when I haven't really done anything wrong. Sometimes, they also get me to committing to be his slave. Sometimes, I even feel like a victim, someone deserving pity, smeone deserving mercy.
CRIES, esply when he wails and bawls... sometimes for no real reason. He just wants to.
SHRIEKS, really hurt the ears and greatly unwanted at 2 AM. For some reason, it's also play for him, not just self-expression.
HIKBI FACE, even when he's already in your arms. Again, he just wants to.
SMILES and GIGGLES, even when you're not playing with him. Most often seen just after he's bitten my nipples, or scratched my face, or gnawed at my hair, or when you're trying to get him to sleep at 3 AM.
HANDS and FEET. In good times, he'd just wave them in excitement so you end up picking him even when he's not crying. In unexpected times, he sends stuff falling as you pass them by while carrying him. In bad times, he scratches himself and you and you get hurt enough that you almost drop him. Even when we clip his nails all he time. Plus, his limbs are very strong and gets him going places he shouldn't be.
TEETH, especially troublesome when used in smiling, because you again end up picking him up. Especially hurtful when used to nip your nipples.
POOP and FART, ever toxic.
SALIVA, a complete torture, nightmare, etc. especially when it's dribbling down your arm... or strategically left on plushies that you touch to offer him. It's really barbaric how he insists on touching me only with saliva-filled hands.
Tsk. How do parents survive this torture?