I told hubs that i'm getting depressed because people we know are falling pregnant while I have to wait for my next period before I can get an ultrasound and begin treatment for whatever is wrong with my cycle.
Of course, i'd settle for not getting preggy ever again over getting seriously sick. And of course, it could just be the continued breastfeeding and weight gain that's wreaking havoc with my period. But still, I felt super sad yesterday and told him so.
During our dialogue, I couldn't help but smile over our different (and selfish, but not in a bad way) motivations.
Hubs is not at all pressured to have a child anytime soon. He feels we can have kids till we're 40 and that would be ok. Of course, he's motivated by the fact that he alone is the sole provider and we're really struggling with our son's roughness. Plus, we're hoping to invest in a home of our own. Security is his biggest fear.
I, on the other hand, am upset that i'm playing the waiting game again and having problems with my period. And I really want to be through giving birth at age 35. I want to be finished with breastfeeding, much as I love it, before I hit 40. And I want to be able to go out of the house already when am 40 without feeling guilty about leaving behind young kids all the time. Plus, if am to homeschool them, I don't want to be doing it for over a decade. And then there's the fact that my pregnancy was difficult before so I really want to have it done with as soon as possible.
Different motivations because of the different roles we play in our family. Different motivations that balance out our priorities. Different motivations that don't divide us but forces us to make the necessary considerations and compromises.
I stopped feeling sorry for myself after reading about a N@Wie who waited to get pregnant for 4 years, only to lose the baby at 31 weeks.
All in God's good time, just like Yakee was. I should stop considering baby names though.