Tuesday, June 01, 2010

My Hubby as Provider

Sometimes I wonder if he feels resentful, and how often, to wake up five days each week and kiss me goodbye while I continue sleeping beside our son. And since lately, all I do is lie in bed with the aircon on, I wonder if he's thought it unfair that the burden of having to provide lay on his shoulders alone.

On top of having to work long hours in the office and into the wee hours of the morning at home, he'd also have to pitch in and help with our son, as well as bond with him. And again, all I do is lie in bed, growing an infant.

And it's not that being pregnant is easy. I sure wish we could save the money instead of pay for my medicines and hospital bills and electric expense. And I have seriously had to cut down on bonding time and teaching time with Yakee. I just don't have the energy and there's a lot of feelings of helplessness and sadness there. But what hubs is doing is also really hard.

He's only human. He's bound to wish he can still sleep some more on the days he'd have to go to work.

He's still a man. He's bound to never fully grasp how terrible it feels to have a body enslaved by hormones and fears.

Still, all I keep hearing from him is that he loves us and wants to provide for us. I have raged and cried and complained many times about being exhausted with the things I do... even with pregnancy for that matter... but hubs has never told me yet that he's too tired to provide for us already. He has embraced that role and allows me to be the kind of Mom I have always wanted to be.

And though we don't have much, we do have more than enough. And it may sound superficial but I am really thankful that he was able to provide us with that sense of security.

Happy Father's Day in advance darling hubby!

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