Four Years Ago Today

... I couldn't sleep, nor calm down... scared for the first ever surgery of my life... and wondering how life will turn out with you finally out. But I was excited too... because I'd finally meet you, see you, smell you, hold you.

Fast forward to tonight. I lost my temper after a serious (and series!) lack of cooperation on your part. I shouted and removed privileges and that upset you so much. You told me you didn't like me and do not want to sleep with us tonight... that you've decided you'll be sleeping with Ninang instead.

And I let you.

In my mind, you have every right to space away from me too. To not like me, nor want to see me. Plus, I couldn't very well use my authority on you after having denied priviliges already.

In the end, you did realize you wanted to sleep with us and told me sorry while crying.

Sigh.

We've gone through so many things with you, Yakee. We've loved you and failed you, uplifted you, and disappointed you. We've seen you grow, become... we may have held you back sometimes, but I like to think, all in all, we've let you grow. And my, how you've grown. You are no longer a baby, but really a little boy.

The things we wanted for you before remain generally the same: good health and happiness, a love for learning, a sense of wonder. We are still working on love for your brother... we know it's there but you seem to have taken after me, not really the nurturing sort.

We love you, Pappie and I do. And Yamee adores you. And it's really been our privilege to be the parents who raise you. Hopefully, you'd feel as blessed as we do that WE are your family.