Friday, July 27, 2007

Between Spouse and Child

I was telling colleagues about a friend who had rheumatic heart disease and how her labor found her in a position where she was asked to choose by her attending doctors who they'd save: her or the baby.

She chose the baby. I'd like to add an OF COURSE to that... because I really believe most mothers would opt for the same answer if they find themselves in that position.

Anyway, both Mom and baby are fine (the baby is now playing with electrical outlets... she rolls towards them, wehehe).

My male colleague said that she (my friend) chose wrong... that she shouldn't have given the baby's life more importance than hers. He even reasoned that they can probably make babies again someday. A female colleague, who's a single Mom, agreed with him. She even told me that losing a baby that way (at that time) won't be so painful because we didn't really have bonding time yet.

I was aghast. And somehow offended. And a lot of other things.


I've always maintained that a loss is a loss, and no matter the circumstance, I just know that a part of me will die if ever I lose a child (whether I miscarried it, it was stillborn, I lose it when it's a toddler, I lose him when he's a teenager, etc). Which is why I think i'd always be somehow broken forever from the loss of Py.

And anyway, from where I am sitting right now... I really cannot comprehend how i'd choose my life over my child's, when i've been hardpressed making sure Yakee continues to thrive inside me.


I've talked about this before with Baby Jowjow... of course (there's that phrase again, ahehe), his ready answer then was that he'd choose me... and that he hopes he'd never be in a position to choose because he also wouldn't want to lose a child.

I've already gotten him to agree that IF EVER that scenario comes up... he'd choose our child out of love for me. I also told him that I know that's equal to making sure that child would grow up without a mother... but I also told hubs that I want him to give that child a chance to live, something i've already enjoyed. Even now that I think about it, although i'd still really want a long life to enjoy my family, i'm already grateful really for the time i've had...

And I can't imagine not ever giving a child of mine the same chance. Which is why, I guess, Jojo was the way he was/is the way he is about my difficult pregnancy... always, his biggest fear isn't that we'd lose the baby... but how i'd react if we lose the baby.


I'm getting teary-eyed just writing this. Susme!


And in my more morbid times when I imagine the worst things that could happen happening during the delivery, i've also found myself soliciting from Jojo a promise that if I die upon giving birth to Yakee, he'd still make sure that Yakee's birthdays will be celebrated (even if it would also be my death anniversary).

I've also already told hubs that he has my blessing to get remarried in time so long as he chooses a good woman he'd really love, and who'd love him and Yakee back.

I also told him i'd try to come back as a ghost to give him instructions in raising Yakee... and made him promise he won't let Yakee grow as big as him, and get into junk foods. And that he'd make sure Yakee is active outdoors, even if he manages to turn him into a geek like him. :)


I've also told hubs that IF EVER I was the one made to choose, that i'd really choose my child over him... not because i'll really love our child more than I love him (because I love and need them in different ways naman, so no comparison), but because i'd protect and preserve my child, my children, all I can.


My fave boss, whenever she's about to give birth... types up e-mails/letters for all her loved ones. Some kinda goodbye letter in case she dies during the delivery. She saves it all in her husband's e-mail account...

She's given birth to 5 kids already.


No point really to this post. It's just one of those necessary conversations bringing a couple together... It's just one of those many possibilities that you don't really want to find yourself in.


Meanwhile, hubs has just finished the 7th HP book yesterday... so it was only last night that we could talk about the book :D


Manila Mom, thanks for being so kind and I will claim my badge soon :)

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