I knew I had intimacy issues even before I seriously contemplated marriage. Ever since, I was scared of having ONE PERSON affect my happiness so... and sure enough, marriage to Jojo sometimes inevitably brings tears as I fret over his health, our relationship and all the things that making room for him in my life had to bring.
And sure enough... every day, I find my breath taken away by little things he does... all the things I love about him, all the things I discover that he is, and all the things I see that he will become.
Every day, I grow more in love. Every day, I become more attached. Every day, his lien on my happiness becomes greater. Every day, I find a reason to love him with such passion and energy that all the figures of speech of walking over fire, reaching for the moon, going through hell and back... all those things become ME.
I just love and adore my husband to death. :)
And I really didn't think I could love some other guy like I love him... heck, I may even love this new guy even more.
And as excited and happy as I am with this new man in my life... I cannot help but dread a little the toll it will take on my heart to love someone again with such passion... such commitment... and such courage.
It's just really a blessing though... that Jojo loves this new guy just as much.
So yes, wehehehe... the doctor said yesterday (after a congenital anomaly scan, which showed us a baby in perfect health, btw) that Baby Sac is 90% MALE :) (syempre we couldn't appreciate the 'matulis' thing the doctor can see... and there is always a very slim margin of error from ultrasounds naman)
Baby Sac, from hereon, will be referred to as Baby Yakee (till we figure out which nickname we really want). And he seems to have gotten his father's fat lips :D
One thing that this bit of info does is that... it changes your fantasies and dialogues. Where before, hubs and I just dream of a cute baby and talk about general things, now we're seeing a lot of blue, and balls, and arguing about which toys to buy (Jojo is beyond excited in turning Yakee into a gadget-freak like him) and other scenarios that having a boy entails (like will he be bringin home bugs and worms? will I catch him masturbating? when will he learn about porn?).
And now, am yucked out because i've realized how yucky it is to clean up a boy when his poop sometimes gets enmeshed with his penis and balls.
Well... we're calling him Yakee naman nga :D Bwahahaha.
"No one has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" (Zelda Fitzgerald)