I have always said that I don't have any "one who got away." More like, "ones I gave up on" and "ones not meant to be." So, although I have had my share of broken hearts and anguished nights, I don't think I've lost any love.
And now, as I count the days to the birth of my second child with my husband... I cannot help but appreciate yet again how all the love I have in my life came because i found him, chose him, stayed with him and love him.
It's all him. It's all Pappie.
While watching our son play, hubs said something about how all the play he indulges in with Yakee is all first time for him too. He didn't really play much as a child, he loved tinkering with stuff and being quiet instead. So, he's really just learning to play now, to make-believe and play pretend, to wrestle and rough play, to be child-like and delighted and excited.
I wasn't surprised but I should have realized how it's a struggle for him too, doing all that, since he wasn't the typical boy while our son is one. And me, though I played a lot in my childhood, I was also still a girl who read more than she played.
But we've reinvented ourselves for our son.
And I am sure hubby will be doing more reinventing as he strives to be the father he wants to be, the father that he in a way already is: dedicated, involved, intentional.
And I... I sometimes find myself reeling in the fear and excitement this new child will bring, all the new hopes and challenges it will present. But all in all, I am overwhelmed of yet another opportunity to love.
All because I love Pappie. All because he loves me.
Dreamt that we attended a wedding and we were dancing and I was so caught up in the moment that I fell and Pappie caught my fall. Told him I always feel safe in his arms.
And then the dream transitions and I find my bag with all my things gone, including my delivery money and atm/debit/credit cards as well as our discount card at Asian. And I start panicking and going into labor...