Firstly, I mean crisis in the sense that we are at a turning point in our lives, and at a time of new opportunities.
Having to let go of my cousin to allow her to pursue opportunities for herself has not caught us off guard, exactly, but we are floundering a little bit.
I still have no time to really dwell on the sentimentality of the phone the helper we hired took... because it was hard just adjusting to doing chores. But I know I will grieve for that in time.
Not only do I have to deal with chores now, and the lack of mobility and social life, but the whiplash of this big change on my sons scares me. I have now just realized that Yakee's incessant desire to talk and show me everything he's looking at, or holding, etc is just a manifestation of the confusion he must have felt during the week. I don't know if it has sunk in that his loving Ninang of four years, his second Mom, won't be in his everyday life anymore.
Oh... I was very short-termpered the first 2 or 3 days but now, I have more presence of mind to breathe. Knowing that my stress is also affecting the boys and making them harder to handle has also helped me relax because I really didn't want to be screaming my head off day in and out. This time last week, I didn't know how I will manage, but after a week... I have (and even finished Season 1 of Criminal Minds at that). Plus, there are a hundred other scenarios I wouldn't want to be caught in... this one is really still manageable.
I have let go of some things... for the meantime. Like properly ironed clothes for the boys. And homecooked meals all the time. I really cannot be cooking for lunch since it is so hot during the day.
I am trying to better deal with my eczema... I am taking steroids for it in the meantime too, just so I won't go bleeding all the time from cracked skin. And I have learned to invoke my eldest's sympathies by showing him the reason why I cannot do certain things with him, or just yet.
I greatly appreciate hubby (who is just as stressed with our present setup) for coming home as early as he can, for checking on us, for doing errands, for buying food (esply ice cream and cookies), for helping with the kids... and accepting that his whole weekend will be spent just doing chores with me. He even cooked a mean sweet and sour fish for Sunday lunch.
I am actually more worried now of the boys' upcoming summer classes, ones we have paid for already (and are non-refundable) and ones that the boys might have to skip if their allergic rhinitis continues to plague them. Thank heavens though that Yamee's fever went away on its own, thanks to homeopathic attention.
We are in crisis. We need help. But in a way, it is nice to know we can survive. We have a lot of things we need to reconsider should we not find a helper (like Yakee attending St. Michael) again but I guess we really just have to cross that bridge when we get there. Meanwhile, the key is really taking it a day at a time.
Thank you God for the blessings. And yes, I am just prending we're an expat family that's why we don't have help :D God, I really won't mind if we're doing this right now as practice for life abroad :)