Call Me Morbid

When we were in Marinduque, SIL inflated so many stuff, one of them being the beach ball above. Now, Yakee loves balls. So he insisted on playing with this one. Pappie wasn't keen because he knew the waves could carry it away from us. True enough, that was what happened with this ball.

Hubs did try going after it. I watched him, concerned, thinking of that old, old movie where Nestor Padilla was drowned playing with JP de Guzman (which made Nida Blanca return JP to the orphanage). I was so scared that a current might suddenly spell distater for my husband and I wondered, while clutching our son, if i'd hate Yakee if anything happened to his father. Hehe.

Morbid, yes? But accidents happen all the time. Look at Mike Tyson's kid, who would have taught a child can get his head/neck caught in a treadmill's cord? So I was morbid. And thankful that nothing untoward happened.

Locals rowed a boat to fetch the beach ball for their own.

My Boys

I have the munchies bad. So I put on my cutest smile and asked my husband if he'd go out to buy something> He asked me if I wanted something bought or if I just wanted them out of my hair for a while.

I wanted something bought. Dunkin Donuts' walnut brownies and strawberry kreme donuts and Oishi Sponge Crush chips to be exact. So hubs gamely went to Paco with our tot and managed to buy all my cravings. What's more, our son came bounding in, filled with smiles on his round face, carrying a bouquet of three red roses for me.

Talk about asking for the moon and getting the entire Milky Way instead. I simply cannot ask for a sweeter bunch of boys. They just really make loving them so easy.

And yes, i'm still such a spoiled, spoiled Mom.

Marinduque Revisited

We had planned the Holy Week trip to Marinduque and thus had budget for that. But since hubby's siblings couldn't join us then and could only go this May, we had to make a choice.

Admittedly, it wasn't a practical choice, to go there again. Not only was air fare more costly (because we couldn't book it earlier) but we also had to dip into our savings. Pappie also had to go on leave again. But we thought, money and leave credits, we could earn again. The main motivation was to see Yakee bonding with his cousins at the resthouse that was second home to hubby and his siblings growing up.

The kids played the minute they got together. They got tanned at the pier where hubs was reminded that playing wasn't allowed. Confining them in the cars was such a hassle. And entertaining them during the RoRo ride was a challenge in itself because they all kept climbing over the railings. Plus, we didn't buy lunch and the poor kids had to binge on cookies out of hunger, which made them all the more hyper.




The adult treehouse was already built when we got there. It was beautiful but the kiddie treehouse had the ocean view so even the visitors preferred it.




The minute Yakee stepped on his grandparents' yard, he proceeded to the kiddie treehouse, picked two fistfuls of pebbles and grinned in a way that was described as pure ecstasy. He was back in his playground!

Needless to say, we all lived an idyllic life where all we did was eat, rest and frolic in the sea and sand. The kids kept us on our toes because they kept running around the place. They also insisted on playing on the beach for hours, requiring the setting up of a tent so they won't fry. My new camera (named Gabrielle, or Gabby) came in very handy because we got to take pictures of us having fun in the water.





It was a laugh trip that would go on for days. The kids were alternately cute and frustrating. It was also a feast every day, with SIL as head cook. I cooked spicy chicken nuggets, we had barbecued chicken ass and calamari, we had beef tapa and carabao meat, tuna pasta, sisig, kagang, etc.


We went to Marinduque Hotsprings Resort in Malbog and also spent an afternoon at Melchor Island of the Tres Reyes group of islands.








Unfortunately, our family had to leave early because Pappie cannot afford to be away for so long. His Mom, Dad, brother, sister, SIL and the two little girls all accompanied us to the airport and didn't leave till our plane did. I was really touched by that gesture and the fact that we're all getting so close and bonded.

Of course, we're looking forward to an eternity of bonding like this. May life bless us with the means to do so.

*~*

Yes, Yakee had great fun!

Back from Marinduque

I don't have a babysitter for the whole week and Yakee still has one last swimming class tomorrow. So here's us, all smiles, saying hello!

Different Motivations

I told hubs that i'm getting depressed because people we know are falling pregnant while I have to wait for my next period before I can get an ultrasound and begin treatment for whatever is wrong with my cycle.

Of course, i'd settle for not getting preggy ever again over getting seriously sick. And of course, it could just be the continued breastfeeding and weight gain that's wreaking havoc with my period. But still, I felt super sad yesterday and told him so.

During our dialogue, I couldn't help but smile over our different (and selfish, but not in a bad way) motivations.

Hubs is not at all pressured to have a child anytime soon. He feels we can have kids till we're 40 and that would be ok. Of course, he's motivated by the fact that he alone is the sole provider and we're really struggling with our son's roughness. Plus, we're hoping to invest in a home of our own. Security is his biggest fear.

I, on the other hand, am upset that i'm playing the waiting game again and having problems with my period. And I really want to be through giving birth at age 35. I want to be finished with breastfeeding, much as I love it, before I hit 40. And I want to be able to go out of the house already when am 40 without feeling guilty about leaving behind young kids all the time. Plus, if am to homeschool them, I don't want to be doing it for over a decade. And then there's the fact that my pregnancy was difficult before so I really want to have it done with as soon as possible.

Different motivations because of the different roles we play in our family. Different motivations that balance out our priorities. Different motivations that don't divide us but forces us to make the necessary considerations and compromises.

*~*

I stopped feeling sorry for myself after reading about a N@Wie who waited to get pregnant for 4 years, only to lose the baby at 31 weeks.

*~*

All in God's good time, just like Yakee was. I should stop considering baby names though.

Spoiled, Loved Mom

Mother's Day started with hubs coming up to our bedroom with a huge, huge grin on his face at around 1 AM. I was breastfeeding Yakee and blogging that time. I knew I was going to get my gift already. :)

Hubs handed me a small envelope. Out slid a coupon saying that I am entitled to a pair of Banana Peel slippers. Then I read hubs' note that said something like... he wanted to give me new slippers because he knows i'd be running after our son some more. Smiling, I looked at him and he was already brandishing my other gift: a Pentax W60 waterproof camera! The slippers were actually a freebie for the purchase.

I actually had an inkling that he might buy one already because he asked me which I felt was better between that brand/model and Fujifilm's latest. But of course, I wasn't sure. The camera came with a 3-minute recorded message from hubby, who sounded like he was imitating Joe di Mango (he was actually doing the recording in a whisper, lest I hear him from upstairs). I loved the refences he made to my being a doting aunt to my nieces and nephews that told him i'd be a good Mom and the difficult times of my pregnancy.


my lunch, which hubby cooked!
I am such a spoiled, spoiled, much-loved Mom. Oh, and the blueberry caramel cheesecake he made is sooo good!

The camera is for Yakee's swimming lessons, our next trip to Marinduque (this coming week) and our future Boracay trip. It's such a commercial phone, with settings for taking pictures of FOOD even (and you can edit your pics right on the camera and add hearts and flowers on them, like you can with some cellphones). We're still thinking of a name for it though... it's colored old rose so we've been joking about naming it Old Rose Dewitt Bukater (if not Titanic).

I am so happy and blessed. This is such a great Mother's Day indeed.

*~*

Yakee's gift to me was to ask for milk in a feeding bottle. Sigh. He drank three ounces.

*~*

I was bad though. I slapped Yakee's hands from anger when he pushed his cousin so hard that Ice could have banged his head hard on the floor if not for my sister's quick reflexes. And then I listened to my own mother's sermon against scolding and spanking when the two are fighting, reminding me that they don't yet know what they're doing.

It's a reminder to me that I need to spend more time with my son.

Because Of You, I Am One

I may have dreamed and planned
and waited to be a Mom
but I never would have done it
could never have been one
had you not been holding my hand
If you didn't promise
to love and cherish me forever
and if you didn't show it
proved it, lived it
every day of the week
every hour of each day
I may never have found the courage
nor the heart to give of myself

had you not been literally
holding my hand
and crying with me
in all those times of uncertainty
during my difficult pregnancy
and had you not told me
you loved me
in the delivery room
right before our son was born
i don't think I would ever have
kept my faith
that the best is yet to come
and had you not loved him
just as much as I do
had you not bled and cried
or laughed and rejoiced
as much and as deeply
as I have
I might not have reaped
the rewards of being a Mom

Pappie, my darling
I know a child makes someone
a parent
but it's your love
that reassures me
this is who i'm meant to be

And it's because I love you
that I also love being a Mommy.

Because it is the truth. I have always wanted to be a Mom. But I would never have allowed myself to be one without a partner who loves me, life, and children as much as I do. So as I celebrate my motherhood, I also celebrate the love that inspired it.

And I thank God all the more.

Shhh...

... hubs has already bought the ingredients for the blueberry cheesecake and sausage carbonara he's feeding me on Mother's Day.

Am I spoiled or what? :)

Divi Day and Sharing

I went shopping for school bags in Divi today for my nieces and nephew. I also went there to buy sandos and everyday panties for them. Naturally, Divisoria was teeming with sellers and shoppers.

Branded stroller bags (Barbie and the like) cost P1k+ which was beyond my budget. But my niece who wants a stroller bag is my godchild and is very charming and studies hard, so I scoured Divi for a cheaper (but sturdy) alternative. I bought a pink one that cost P500 which gave me extra money to buy her brother (who's perpetually envious that his sister gets a lot of gifts) a backpack too. Then I bought my fave niece a cool, non-branded backpack. Three bags for less than P1k is a good bargain!

I've also gone over Yakee's stuff to give to my cousin whose wife just had a child. Old, seldom-used feeding bottles, sippy cups (Yakee never really used any of them), a comforter set (because Yakee didn't even really use the set we bought for him), some toys.

Twas when I was going home, laden with the bags and hankies and socks and sandos I bought for them that I realized how lucky those kids are about having me as an aunt. And this I say with no intention of building myself up. It's just that i've really always saved money to buy them stuff before school starts and for Christmas. And it's not like I am earning a lot now. It's also not like we're not affected by the recession because we are. It's just infinitely more depressing and hard for me not to somehow help provide for them.

These are the kids of generally poor parents... and i've always thanked my husband for understanding my need to share my blessings with them. So again, these kids are blessed to have us for aunt and uncle, not because we have much to give, but because we're willing to.

Thank God there really are rewards for cheerful givers.

Memoir Monday 01: Commitment

It's the first Memoir Monday over at Wifespeaks. When I saw the theme, HAM OR EGGS immediately came to mind. So I won't be posting pictures of our wedding anymore. And since I am too lazy to look for a picture of ham, i'm using a picture of pork food instead.



Commitment is all about being a pig, not a chicken. A chicken gives of itself but it stays the same (and alive). A pig, however, gives itself. Totally. Irrevocably. But since it's in poor taste to ask, "Are you chicken or pig?", we ask instead, "Are you ham or eggs?"

Marriage is a lot like being ham. Sure, you stay alive, but you are transformed. You become someone new, something new. You cannot say you're just going to give a part of you, because you have to give all of you. And if you married the right person, you become someone better, someone more valuable. Because now you are not just a person, but a member of a sacred institution. Later on, you may even become a parent, and thus affect the future.

I like to believe both hubs and I are hams :) The choicest cuts of hams! :)

See more entries to this MM here.

Complacency

Generally, we watch our kid like a hawk because we know a lot of bad things can happen to him if we don't. Plus, we've talked about those dangers and acknowledge that they could happen to us.

Unfortunately, we got complacent at the in laws. Used to having them fawning over our child and generally watching him for us, we allowed ourselves to miss him for several precious minutes. Unfortunately, both hubs and I didn't see him going out of the house when we were loading our bags in the car. So after doing my bit, I immediately returned to the sofa and assumed Yakee was playing with his cousin in the next room. Hubs judiciously closed their front door behind him after loading our bags and joined me in the sala.

As I was wondering why I wasn't hearing my son's usual noises (or the other's shrieks, calls, praises and reprimands that usually follow him), we all heard crying. I thought my son had a fall at MIL's cluttered room when SIL came running out of the bedroom, shouting Yakee was outside.

Pappie got a scared look in his eyes as he ran to open the door. Poor Yakee was crying for Mommy while banging on the door, and his voice when he called out to his father was pure fear and misery.

I couldn't help but laugh a little but later on, I did shed some tears for what my son must have felt. Even Yaya cried for the poor baby who was upset too much, he immediately nursed and slept. SIL and I both voiced out that at least we know he knows to go looking for his caregivers. But Pappie was hugely upset by the incident (maybe that's why I wasn't, as some sort of balancing thingie) that he became very masungit and cannot even be engaged in conversations hours after. He was THAT bothered.

My son was missing for some 5-10 minutes, more than enough time to have been kidnapped, run over by a car or bitten by a dog (and most suspect that he did go visit the neighbor's dog and only came back after realizing that nobody was with him). So I can understand why my husband's blood must still be running cold till now, or that his heart hasn't resumed beating.

Thank God and guardian angels that Yakee remained safe.