Hush, Little Baby
I loved the lullaby when Paige used to sing it for her nephew Wyatt in CHARMED... never really knew the words. So when Py came along and i'd lull him to sleep, i'd sing him the first two lines and hum the rest. He loved it anyway... Rock-A-Bye-Baby and Brahm's Lullaby never did anything for him, but this one always soothed him.

Anyway, it's also one of the songs I think I can sing well enough so I decided to finally look for its lyrics.

Didn't like the 'hush, little baby, don't you cry, momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird..." bit... but I still found versions I liked so I decided to combine them. So here's what i'm taping on the side of Yakee's chest of drawers, so I can memorize it and sing it for him...


Hush little baby, don't you cry
Within your dreams, you can touch the sky
With you in my arms, I feel whole
Because you are my heart and my soul.

Hush little baby, Mama's near,
To brush your hair and calm your fears.
To kiss your cheek and hold your hand,
'Til you drift off to sleepyland.

To help you count those little white sheep,
And sing you songs 'til you're asleep.
To tell you tales of kings and queens,
of Jack and Jill and wonderful things.

So snuggle up and hold me tight,
And dream sweet dreams all through the night.
And every night when the sun goes down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

My Wedding Horror Story
(below is the article I submitted for a magazine that didn't end up being launched... anyway, if ever Mirror Bride mag comes into being, I hope they'd still print my story... what they were looking for were stories from people about their weddings that they didn't like... I believe most submitted stories about inebriated guests, late wedding suppliers or receiving non-thoughtful gifts)

Our wedding relatively went smoothly. The processional had both
mothers at the wrong side of the aisle, some flower girls marched
without a partner, and some guests tried to refuse honoring our seat
plan but everything still went beautifully. It was having our loved
ones present that proved a challenge to execute and that tasked us
emotionally.

Nine months before our wedding, my parents' petition for US
immigrancy was approved. Together with my sister (who was maid-of-
honor), they had to leave for the US. I was devastated at the
possibility of not having one or both my parents walk me down the
aisle. There was also nobody else I wanted for maid-of-honor. I cried
buckets over the sad affair but managed to comfort myself with the
fact that things could be worse (some have deceased parents, or some
come from broken families). A favorite uncle offered to walk me down
the aisle if my Dad couldn't make it.

Then, there was the matter of my father-in-law and his diabetes. In a
span of nine months, he had to be rushed to the hospital twice (the
first, on the eve of their pamamanhikan). His kidneys have started to
fail him and his blood pressure just wouldn't stay stable. My
husband, being the eldest, was needed by his family in a way they
never needed him before. It was very emotional having to see my
father-in-law through drastic dietary changes and alternative
treatments, but he got better and better in time.

Then came another emotional upheaval for my husband's family: his
sister got pregnant. Being traditionally Filipino, everybody was
sensitive enough not to have them get married before us, especially
since we were engaged for almsot two years. But there went one of my
secondary sponsors.

And then, as if life wasn't difficult enough with work deadlines and
wedding stress, we were handed yet another blow. Cancer knocked on my
2-year old nephew's door. We found out about it in October (on my
birthday, in fact), at a stage where we just might be too late. Days
were filled with absences from work as we all rallied at the hospital
for him. On one hand, I was so sad that the nephew I love so much is
sick. On the other hand, I was also so sad that his illness was
dampening everybody's spirits over my wedding.

We originally planned my nephew to be Honorary Best Man (being still too
little to play the Best Man role) and we planned to deck him in an orange
barong. But it was a roller coaster of distress ever since October,
and December found his doctors hankering for surgery (which was
postponed till January) since his vital organs were already being
compromised.

I started a blog for him http://intimesofpain.blogspot.com

My husband and his family have been very supportive, getting their
relatives and friends to join my family in prayers. But it was still
such a trying time, even with comforting hands holding yours.

Worse, I had to land myself in the ER twice. Once in August for
severe angioedema. Another time a month before the wedding, for
almost going into anaphylactic shock. I cannot imagine how traumatic it
was for my then-fiance to contemplate a loved one's mortality when
you're a month away from committing to a life together.

But everything worked itself out in the end... the universe conspired
beautifully enough to have our parents walk us down the aisle while
my nephew strutted in an orange barong and new pairs of Chuck
Taylor's beside his super-elegant aunt (my MOH). The only thing that
made my eyes puff and made me catch my breath was the beautiful,
beautiful ceremony and having our families complete by our side.

*~*

It is with such intense emotion that I post this. Our wedding was many happy memories and late-night fights away... we've crossed that threshold with our loved ones and here we are, about to cross another one.

Only... I really wish Yakee could have been borne at a happier time...

He'd never get to meet Py... and my parents won't get to enjoy him much because they're living abroad... and some people wouldn't be welcome at the hospital, on his birth, and at his christening.

His birth will be the happiest day on earth for my husband... and will be the saddest day too, because he wouldn't be able to share it with the man Yakee and he were named after.

*~*

We're learning from the sorrow... and because of it, we're more intent on loving proving that the best is always on its way for those who live by love.

Effacing Well...
... but nowhere near dilated.

Baby Jowjow (who's been more stressed than I was the past week over possible probs with Yakee) and I are breathing more easily now. Yakee scored a perfect 8/8 in his BPP (measuring his heart rate, muscle tone, movement, breathing). Except for the presence still of the high amniotic fluid, the OB couldn't find anything that's really cause for concern. She reviewed the CAS results we had last July and said that since no anomaly was found then, chances are that Yakee doesn't really have congenital problems (esply since she explained that congenital problems seldom appear as just one anomaly, it's usually a syndrome... many symptoms that, once one of them is picked up, will direct the sonologist to look for the other clues, so to speak).

She did point out that the CAS could have included measurements instead of just check signs to indicate that there was no anomaly seen (which means that though Perpetual Succor offers cheap congenital anomaly scanning, we might want to go to a bigger hospital next time for the same procedure). Good thing she personally knows who performed the CAS and knows her reputation to be very good.

The level of amniotic fluid didn't increase (it even decreased a teeny weeny bit) while Yakee slightly grew (his balls, specifically). The OB also decided that my OGTT results are still ok despite a slightly elevated sugar level in the 2nd hour, but she's still going to treat me and monitor me as if I have GD (so i'm going back for another check-up and ultrasound on the 27th, I have to avoid sweets and control my food intake, I have to keep walking and monitoring the baby's movements, and also watch my BP). At least I need not consult with an endocrinologist just yet...

Meanwhile, friends have taken bets as to when Yakee will come out, to amuse me and take my mind away from all worries.

Hubs, on the other hand, is considering changing Yakee's nickname to Boybets (Boy Betlog) in honor of his huge balls. :)

I feasted on sweet chili crabs (courtesy of my loving hubby) but limited myself to one whole crab lang... ahehe. Good thing Yakee didn't react negatively to the crab nor the chili.

*~*

Hubs and I are really thankful of friends... who heard our anxieties out, who gently chastised us for worrying too much... and who also offered silent prayers for us.

*~*

Baby Yakee... Mammie admits that she's getting major INIP na, but know that her heart's (and your Pappie's) only desire is for you to be a healthy and happy baby... we know you'll come out when you're ready. And no matter what happens, you are loved.

*~*

Can I just say, too, that I am invoking my family's history of being able to give birth, even to big babies, vaginally? I really don't want a CS!!!

Validation Commercial
I mainly blog to get my thoughts in order, ventilate, document my experiences and basically answer my own questions, oh and of course, share my life with others... so generating a lot of traffic was never a great motivation (heck, I have not even mastered the use of blogrolls and adsense and whatever else, lolz).

But it sure is nice when readers leave comments...

And it sure feels great being singled out by fellow bloggers as a blog they really read, and even recommend :)

So, thanks to Maia Jose for choosing to give me this (I only noticed that she gave it to me on what would have been Py's 4th birthday).

The award is "For those bloggers who inspire others through their words and actions. With a positive attitude, and an uplifting spirit these bloggers make the blogosphere a better place, and encourage others to do the same. This award is for bloggers who rise up to set an example but continue to reach out and support others." as stated in the rules of the Blogger Awards created by Christy of Writer's Reviews.

And thanks to Cheche and Nice for choosing to give me this (an award created by Tish and Mike).

It's now my turn to pass on the Awards :)

To Jen and her Mom Exchange blog... a constant source of inspiration to parent more intentionally and lovingly. Plus, she's just a really, really cool Mom and a really, really warm person.

To Jet (My Life... a Deja Brew) ... one of my first blogger friends who's really sooo inspirational when she strings words together. I don't know anybody else who can literally make every entry a wonderful poetry. She's been rather too busy to blog lately.

To Angie... beautiful, talented, creative, generous and just full of offerings. One can't help but wish to have her passion for life.

To Connie of houseonahill.net ... a woman to be reckoned with! I may not share all her views but she has a knack for looking at things in a new, fresher, better perspective.

And to Paul... one who's always been hilarious, engaging but never tasteless :)

Uh-oh, Possible Problems?
I never thought the book What To Expect When You're Expecting would fail me somehow... for not tackling, however briefly, polyhydramnios. So it was a shock yesterday, lying at the doctor's table, to find out that a high level of amniotic fluid IS a bad sign.

I have watched my weight gain, my BP, my sugar levels (though I will admit that after hitting my 8th month, i've given myself free rein with cake and ice cream... I don't eat them all day, but I eat some most days of the week) and having been in and out of the hospital before (and having all those lab tests) gave me a certain level of confidence that I don't have gestational diabetes.

Polyhydramnios is usually a sign of gestational diabetes... or some congenital defect in the baby. Anyway, my OB has advised me to limit my sugar/carbs intake (esply since Yakee felt and looked big already at only 37 weeks) as well as to have another OGTT (100 gms) done... and then i'd have a biophysical profile performed next Saturday.

Since the congenital anomaly scan performed on Yakee last July showed no problems, and that Yakee is very active inside... I am almost sure that he/we will pass these two other tests with flying colors.

But of course i'm worried. It's a bad way to realize yet again how important it is to have a husband's arms holding you... but it really gave me a lot of comfort that I could cry on Jojo's shoulders.

Call it pregnancy blues (esply since every part of me aches right now) and birthday blues combined... but I do still feel down and worried and anxious.

But love has always found a way... has it not?

Intentional Parents
Twas Jen who I first 'heard' the phrase from... and found it really beautiful.

Both hubs and I are intentional parents... we both knew we wanted families of our own even when we were still kids. We both grew up dreaming and daydreaming and planning for future families. Admittedly, hubs lost his way a little and spent some time wandering. But always, he's had these expectations he's set up for himself if he's to become a father (which was why he was shattered for a while with an unplanned pregnancy in his life).

I studied well... and later on made sure to keep my job. Eventhough i'm bent on being a SAHM, i've always felt that my kids deserve a well-read and empowered Mom. I also made sure I wouldn't get pregnant out of wedlock... bent also in an idealized dream that no child of mine would be unwanted, however initially.

When Jojo and I started going out, our talks would always be peppered with conversations about family life... what we both dream to give our kids, what we both stand up for. Years before we even really decided to get married, and that we're THE ONE for each other, we've already argued about letting our kids live in boarding houses... or join frats.

We didn't rush into our marriage. We allowed each other all the growing up we needed in order to make that leap of faith.

Hubs knew of my SAHM dream. I married him knowing that he will support that dream. And we both wanted kids, are both open to adopt so there was no question whatseoever in our minds about being parents. We agreed not to have a child yet during the first year of our marriage (the baby could be conceived, but not yet out within the first year) because we wanted to adjust to each other first. And when I was not conceiving, we talked and agreed up to how far we'd go in terms of fertility work-ups. Unlike other friends, however, we've agreed not to pursue adoption at the last minute, because being parents was more important to us than producing biological babies.

God being good, we were blessed with child early this year. Shopping for the layette came last (as we've only done it in the past month or so), because the minute we found out about Yakee, we tackled our views and expectations of family life again. We made plans. We came up with agreements. We tackled the changes in lifestyle. We attended a breastfeeding seminar when I was only some 3 months along. I brought up the idea of homeschooling a month after. We're still bargaining and clashing over differences in family cultures (e.g. attitude towards food, general lifestyle, etc). We're always revisiting ideas we grew up believing, and making up our own for our family. We started saving for the delivery and making allowances for the days that will follow. Career changes are even dictated by family needs and expectations.

We're intentional parents... we know we want this kid as much as we'll want our other kids. And we know we've done the more important things neccessary to make sure we can give any child of ours a good chance in this world... We went into this with eyes open, aware of the sacrifices we'll be making, excited over the rewards that we're bound to reap. The difficult first few months notwithstanding, we've had the luxury of really being proud to be infanticipating... and the luxury of having everyone's blessing.

*~*

I'm not saying babies who are initially unwanted, unplanned or unwelcome are loved less... or that parents who had negative feelings about their pregnancies go on to be less loving, involved parents.

I am saying, however, that there is an undeniable beauty to having really prepared oneself for parenthood... and an undeniable confidence that, though there will be hurdles, you will be able to cross them as a team, as a family :)

*~*

I just hope that Yakee, though he was conceived in really sad times... and though he will be born in really sad times (where our families are concerned), has always felt how wanted and loved he is by those who count: his parents. I hope that our love and aspirations for him will always cloak him and empower him to grow up in a world filled with hate.

Digiscrapping Commercial
For lack of a topic... let me just share some of my more recent digiscrapped layouts. I have not improved at all as a digiscrapper... haven't mastered more of what Photoshop has to offer... but i've started tinkering with it again since I just know this blog will be deluged with pictures of Yakee after he comes out.

I mean... we don't have two digicams for nothing :D

As usual... I don't really monitor which kits/particular elements I used... but I really thank those who are generous to give away freebies :) I used a lot of Scrapbookflair and Gottapixel elements in these layouts :)




















*~*

Hubs and I are more than fine... this pregnancy has really brought us closer together. And i guess because I realized how invaluable the comfort and support he gives, i'm also kinder to him (kasi he noticed that I don't pick fights with him much).

I believe Yakee is also more than fine... he's kinda hurting me again with his signature twists and turns inside me... he's also started his descent (basing from the shape of my tummy).

I wish other things were going fine... it's really hard to be embroiled in family dramas in the midst of a supposedly great time in our lives... but we're dealing with them as a team.

*~*

I just wish I have more money to shop with, hehe.

Scarred People are Beautiful...
...and the only reason for the title really is that washing the baby things we've been buying for Yakee over the weekend resulted in scarred/scabbed hands for myself.

Admittedly, I didn't grow up doing housework... I can rise to the occasion if necessary (like if i'm vacationing in Lipa, or during our stay in Marinduque) but household chores just isn't my thing.

And admittedly, I didn't have to do much scrubbing anyway since the baby things are new and all I was doing was washing the last traces of the factory from the fabric. I used Perla White Soap... but I ended up getting rashes, blister-like wounds and slight swelling of palms. Enough to make me unable to sleep for a night because my hands were just tingling.

And that was only the first batch of the whites ha!

My cousin then scolded me that I didn't have to use soap yet on the layette, and that I should have just washed them thoroughly in water... soaked them in Downy for some 5 minutes, then squeezed off the extra water and hung them to dry.

So that's what I did with the second batch of whites... which we hung to dry this morning.

I'll be washing the 3rd batch of whites (the Chino Pino diapers) after I get the additional cloth diapers Mom bought for Yakee in the U.S.

And i'll be washing the colored layette in two batches this coming weekend.

And i'm still torn about ironing all of them (oh, those things are sooo cute but they're darn too small!) :D But maybe I should, if only for the first time use? Nyahaha.

I am so mighty glad I won't be the one washing them on a daily basis... I just washed them the first time as a sort of ritual to prepare me some more for motherhood.

But anyway, my hands are still smarting... I can't even wear my wedding ring because it will hurt putting it on.

And I did take pictures (which i'll post after all the washing's done) so I can make Yakee feel guilty someday... bwahahaha.

The only beautiful thing to this endeavor is the gentle look in my hubs' eyes whenever he looks at me attending to Yakee's things. And yes, typically, he'd offer to help in hanging the clothes but not in the actual laundry process.

*~*

I've also sorted out my clothes and rearranged our drawers' contents to make room for Yakee's things.

*~*

Meanwhile... for those with Multiply accounts and looking for baby lullabies, this is a great download site. Since I love the Beatles, it will be Yakee's official background music at night, to condition him whenever he hears those songs that it's meme time already... for Mommy. :D